Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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