when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
