It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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