i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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