East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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