its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
