She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
