I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
