meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
