I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
