can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
