is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
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