tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
