I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
