we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
