I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize