maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
