You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
