I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
