Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.

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(315): View more from New York

I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.

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(425): View more from Washington

They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"

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(312): View more from Illinois

the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses

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(804): View more from Virginia

he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.

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(406): View more from Montana

Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid

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(716): View more from New York

We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.

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(518): View more from New York

Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you

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(675): View more from

He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.

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