i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
