We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize