Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize