Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
