I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
