No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
