And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
