turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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