it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
