I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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