so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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