Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize