: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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