FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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