i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
