Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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