and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
