so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
