the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
