Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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