you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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