I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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