how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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