I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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