i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
