i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I need a beard to bite.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
