I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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