Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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