Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
