You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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