im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
