I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
