This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
