I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
