just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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