once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
