I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
