I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
