help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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