Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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