You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The struggles of a small town man whore
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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