Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize