I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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