is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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