what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
