This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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