I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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