Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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