I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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