What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
