remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Two words: nipple clamps
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