Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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