I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Acid is not a monday night drug
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
