The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
