He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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