I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
