Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
