and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
