id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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